Christmastime?

It doesn't feel like Christmas time to me this year. Maybe because there have been soo many changes in my life.
You see, a lot of bad things have happened to me this year. In July, a very close friend passed away of Cancer.A very close family friend passed away from a heart attack as well. My grandmother had a heart attack, my other grandmother had stomach issues, my grandfather kept having ischemic strokes and my other grandfather lives in an assisted living apartment building and is having a lot of random health issues. On top of that, on November 6th my dad went into the hospital because he had a heart attack. He had a triple bypass the following monday. He is doing very well now. Honestly, I hate when people bring it up. Because I get so emotional over it and I don't like to generally show my emotions. I am very thankful that everything HAS gone well with him.
So, that is why it doesn't feel like Christmas. Nothing is normal around my house.. No lights on the outside of the house, we JUST put up green garland and lights around the banister. Our christmas tree is decorated but we didn't do it all together. Everyone is growing up and going their separate ways.

I want to take a minute to recognize someone who is very important in my life. My late great grandmother Dorothy Maxwell. She passed away in 1997. On Christmas. I was only 10 and rarely saw her because she lived in Syracuse, NY. But, she made such a big impact on my life.
My full name is Meghan Kathleen Sweeney. My other great grandmothers name was Kathleen Margaret. I was named after her, she died right before I was born. So, years go by and I get to know my other great grandmother, Dorothy. She would visit and bake soo many tasty treats with us. She would let me stay up late and we would watch Gone With the Wind. I never really understood at age 10 everything that was going on in the movie, all I knew was my kind great grandma was letting me stay up late to watch a grown up movie. It kind of was a bonding experience I suppose. Well, I remember Christmas morning, my mom getting a phone call from my Grandma Carol, great grandma had passed away. My mom was a wreck. She was very very close to my great grandma, they had a special bond between them. A few days go by and the whole family travels to Syracuse to the funeral. I don't remember much from it, all I remember is singing with my other cousins two songs. "Sweetly Sings the Donkey" (my great grandma would sing that to us) and "Silent Night". Today I can't listen to "Silent Night" without getting emotional. I remember singing. I remember the look on my parents faces, grandparents faces, aunts and uncles faces, distant relatives faces. They had tears so I had tears too. I didn't really know what I was crying about then, but I know what I was crying about now.
So, every Christmas eve, we would go to church and of course, "Silent Night" is sung. Every year on Christmas eve, you can bet that I have a few tears when I hear that song. I will quietly sing along, just enough so I can hear myself but no one else really can.
I love Christmas. I love the happy feeling that is all around. I love the music, the snow (i get sick of it fast though), I love to hand out gifts that I picked out especially for someone, I love the look of joy on my younger cousins faces when they open up their gifts at the family christmas party. They are the only reason why I still go. And for my grandma, because this family christmas party means a LOT to her.
So, Christmastime.. you need to come. I need to feel like its a normal Christmas this year. Why do things change? Why do people change and grow apart? Maybe this is a sign that I am growing up. Who knows. All I know is I am ready to sing along to "Silent Night" on Christmas Eve. And watch a few sheep and llamas get walked down the aisle at my cousins Christmas Pageant.